


Courage

by CaptainErica



Series: Drunk in Public [8]
Category: Big Bang (Band)
Genre: A little funny, M/M, a little drunken, a little sad, gdyb - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-09-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 20:10:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16144613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainErica/pseuds/CaptainErica
Summary: All Jiyong needed was a little more courage and a little more evidence that Youngbae liked him back.





	Courage

The last three months, Jiyong reflects with slight bitterness from his spot hiding behind a closet door, have been an exercise in his own stupidity. No, that’s not quite harsh enough, nor is it quite correct enough. The last three months have been an illumination of all the reasons why he’s a coward, and he’s too much of a coward to even face _that._

There’s movement from the doorway he’s hiding from, and he closes his eyes and tries not to think about what he’d seen (warm skin, dotted with drops of water; fresh from the shower. A hand dragging a towel down a toned leg, before dragging it back up to wrap around a firm, slim waist...) but he can’t, so he’s got to hide here and hope Youngbae doesn’t find him. It’s not the first time in the past few months something like this has happened. It was like a switch had gone off at the beginning of March, and suddenly all of those tightly lidded feelings that Jiyong had been holding close onto had tumbled out onto the floor and he’d been fumbling to pick them up and store them away again ever since.

It hadn’t been anything particularly special that had set it off; though really he shouldn’t be surprised, there was bound to be that moment where it became too much for him to keep it in check, the proverbial ‘straw that broke the camel’s back’, as it were. But he’d honestly hoped that it wouldn’t be… wouldn’t be like this. He’d hoped that by the time it had happened he’d be able to confront his deeply harbored crush and figure out how to deal with it.

Instead he’s just running and hiding every time he sees Youngbae doing something that could be innocuous but is also deeply attractive.

So far, he continues to think, scowling to himself as he waits for Youngbae to leave the bathroom, he’s run into Youngbae in varying states of undress, the middle of singing with his eyes closed, and any number of scenarios involving Youngbae’s mouth and food. He’s also become flustered by Youngbae rubbing the back of his own neck (his arms are…), leaning over him to press a button, and any form of stretching. Today was the first fully naked and just out of the shower, which he normally wouldn’t have seen because _none of them live together anymore_ but he’d agreed to stay over at Youngbae’s the night before because his house was closer to the club they’d been at.

It had clearly been a poor idea, because now he’s hot and bothered and also convinced Youngbae’s going to find him while he’s _hot and bothered_ so he’s feeling a large number of feelings at the moment.

“Ji, the shower’s all yours.” Youngbae calls down the hall, and he nods, as if Youngbae can see him, then shakes his head at himself and pushes himself up to stand.

“Thanks.” He calls, as if he were slightly further down the hall, and then steps out and around the door to head into the bathroom, shutting that door behind him. He leans against the door for a little bit, a short moment, heart hammering against his chest, and then he shakes his head and pushes away from it to get into the shower.

What’s most embarrassing, really, he thinks three days later as he stands in his _own_ shower, hand wrapped around his dick, teeth digging into his lower lip, is that he can only barely control himself now. Exhibit A is him right now, pumping his fist over his dick as he remembers Youngbae’s ass as he’d leaned over to dry himself, the color of Youngbae’s skin there and the tightly muscled thighs that had led up to it. He should be ashamed, but he isn’t because _god_ Youngbae is the most attractive person on the planet. It’s just… it’s just embarrassing because he’d only barely managed to stop himself from touching himself in the shower at Youngbae’s place, and that would have been _truly embarrassing_.

After another week, Jiyong has decided that Youngbae is now _doing it on purpose._

It’s the only explanation, really, that he can think of, the only explanation that Soohyuk can think of (that’s more because it makes him laugh than because he’s trying to help Jiyong in any way, but Jiyong will take it for now). It’s also the only explanation Seungri is able to stammer out when Jiyong confronts him with it, half-way to drunk and desperately trying to keep his eyes away from Youngbae on the dance floor.

“It’s the only thing that makes sense, really.” Jiyong is reasoning, words slightly slurred and running together as he leans against a tall table, holding a glass by the rim with his fingertips and trying not to look at anything but Seungri.

Seungri nods, agreeable, not near as drunk as Jiyong but very pleased to have this attention and Jiyong’s confidence. “Well, I do think he’s been doing those things a lot more, recently.” He says, diplomatic and vague and Jiyong nods a little exaggeratedly, all energy and agreement.

“He _has_ been. He has, Seungri, he has.” He says, and if anyone tried to decipher what it was they were talking about… well, it would be impossible.

It’s like Youngbae wants Jiyong to be flustered in his presence. It’s hard not to be, now, because he finds almost everything Youngbae does to be attractive and he thinks maybe it’s because he can’t focus his attraction, can’t do anything but jokingly tell Youngbae he’s handsome. But recently it’s just been… If Jiyong freezes, eyes going a little wide, when Youngbae leans over him to grab something, then the next time Youngbae leans over him, it’s more drawn out, and his arm brushes against Jiyong and…

And he’s had to leave the room on more than one occasion which is _embarrassing._

Tonight, in the club, Seungri nodding and agreeing along, Jiyong thinks it’s finally hit him: Youngbae must like him too. He can’t test the theory, doesn’t know how, thinks he should be sober to consider that aspect of it; but it’s there, and it’s feeling like more and more of a real possibility.

“Take me home?” Youngbae asks, close to his ear, and Jiyong hadn’t been paying attention at all and his eyes go comically wide, and Seungri just grins at him before waggling his eyebrows and turning away.

Youngbae is definitely drunker than him, which for a short moment seems like a good thing. That short moment ends when they’ve made it into the back of the car and Youngbae looks like he’s about to fight with his shirt. Jiyong stops that doesn’t want him stripping in the car (doesn’t want him stripping any—don’t lie to yourself). He’s flushed, though, flushed and he knows Youngbae caught that despite how drunk he is because he seems pleased with himself, even through his pout.

The shirt comes off when they get through the front door of Jiyong’s apartment, and he’d been expecting it so he doesn’t even flinch. He considers picking it up for about half a second before just kicking it to the side and then moving on only to discover that his half a second of inattention has allowed Youngbae to lose his socks in the living room, and he can hear from ahead of him the clatter of rings and other jewelry hitting the counter.

Jiyong just misses Youngbae leaving the kitchen, catches sight of the band of Youngbae’s boxers as he disappears around the corner into the hallway, and pauses to consider following after him with a feeling like elation and deep trepidation warring in his stomach: Youngbae’s pants are coming off.

He hears the struggle Youngbae has with them while he hesitates, and finally decides to follow, and sure enough they’re on the floor when he gets half way to his room, the belt only partially undone. He steps over them, swaying a little as he walks, and licks over his lower lip, anticipation making him hot.

“Bae?” he calls out as he heads for the door to his room. “too hot?” He asks, like he’s worried and not like he’s pleased, and as he walks through the door, he’s treated to the sight of Youngbae mid-motion, pausing to look over at Jiyong.

He nods, looking almost like he’s been caught before a pleased and clumsily seductive look falls onto his face. Jiyong is surprised by that change, and he blinks, flushing, and he’s definitely drunk if this is working on him.

“You need help?” he hears himself asking, and there’s a tinge of hopefulness that dashes across Youngbae’s face before stubborn pride pushes it away.

“No.” he says, pushing at the elastic band of his boxers, almost like a dare, and so Jiyong, drunk and interested and always up for a dare, raises an eyebrow and crosses his arms (swaying only ever so slightly) and lets his eyes drop to Youngbae’s ass.

“Take them off, then.” He says, a challenge, and so Youngbae does and Jiyong’s _instantly_ hard, face flushing deeply red; but he can’t look away because he’s the one who challenged Youngbae.

“Come to bed?” Youngbae asks, and Jiyong knows he never really had control of this evening, but he really feels it right at this moment.

“Yeah, I’m coming.” Jiyong says, licking his lower lip again, catching himself part way through the motion (it’s because you’re looking at him and he’s doing it on purpose). He turns and pulls off his pants, switches out his current shirt for a new shirt; big and loose.

When he climbs in he drops his hand to Youngbae’s chest, curls in against him, remembers how naked Youngbae is, and isn’t sure if he wants to stop himself from acknowledging it.

Youngbae’s arm comes up around him, and Jiyong can tell by his breathing that he’s drunk and unsteady. “Ready for bed?” Jiyong asks, trying not to slur but it’s rather hard.

“You’re too hot.” Youngbae says in reply, fingers curling in the shirt Jiyong shouldn’t have put on. He’d been trying to protect himself, though, been trying to keep his desire hidden, or something he barely knows anymore because he’ll take the shirt off if Youngbae wants him to, really will.

“I’s my charm.” Jiyong slurs, because he can’t hold that tell off for long, especially lying there instead of moving about.

Youngbae makes a sound, then turns so he’s facing Jiyong, arm draped over Jiyong’s waist, too close not to notice his attraction; too close for Jiyong not to notice Youngbae’s attraction. Youngbae settles, then rolls his hips forward just a little so they are touching more completely. He keeps looking at Jiyong, doesn’t say anything, a sloppy smile on his lips, like he’s pleased with himself but his body is having trouble sending the right commands.

“Oh, doing, doing this on purpose.” Jiyong says, softly, accusatory but there’s not much feeling behind it because his eyes are crossing being so close to Youngbae, his body trying not to react to Youngbae while also not caring if it does. “You are, every day.”

Youngbae laughs, low and soft and short. “You don’t say anything.” He accuses back, and shifts a little so they both gasp softly. “Never _say_ anything.” He adds a moment or two later.

Jiyong almost says something sarcastic but it gets lost on the way to his tongue, and instead his body presses forward, arm snaking around Youngbae’s side so they stay close, leg shifting and not hesitating at all as he drapes it over Youngbae’s thigh. “You could have.” He says, another accusation as his mind circles around everything he had been thinking about earlier.

“ _You_ could have.” Youngbe replies, softer, falling asleep without any physical movement.

Jiyong considers, hazily, rolling their hips together again, but he ends up kissing Youngbae’s cheek instead, falling asleep slowly along with Youngbae.

Jiyong knows he had been on to something that night, knows it as he sits at his counter while Youngbae, neatly clothed now, puts together something for them to eat. He thinks, but he’s a headache and it hurts to think for the moment. But then, then Youngbae turns around and sets a bowl in front of Jiyong, hand somehow brushing Jiyong’s wrist as he pulls it back, and Jiyong remembers.

“You’ve been teasing me.” He says, deeply accusatory, louder than either of their heads want. He pouts, then, and Youngbae’s face shifts from a wince to something a little guiltier. “It’s not nice.” He adds, bordering on petulant because while last night he thought Youngbae definitely liked him, this morning it could be something else as well.

Youngbae bites his lip, looking down, hand moving to rub at the back of his neck. Jiyong’s eyes jump to follow the movement, before he looks down at the bowl before him.

“I wanted to see if, see if you were actually interested or if it was just my imagination.” Youngbae says, eyes darting up, then down again, shrugging. “But you didn’t say anything.”

Jiyong wrinkles his nose, closes his eyes then pulls in a breath as he looks up at Youngbae. “Takes a lot of courage to tell your best friend that you can’t stop thinking about how attractive he is.” He says, and it’s the bravest he’s ever been, he thinks. “That you, ah, that you think he’s perfect.”

Youngbae is blushing, which Jiyong isn’t sure how to react to. “It’s why ‘teasing’ is easier than saying.” He says, then bites his lip. “Was kind of hoping, you know, that I’d be brave enough to just kiss you or something last night, but I guess I wasn’t.”

Jiyong bites his lips, watching Youngbae. “Brave enough now?” he asks, and Youngbae looks up at him, a little startled, but he moves to lean over the counter, and Jiyong finds himself sitting up in the chair to lean toward him, and…

Their lips meet, gentle and uncomplicated; simple like it’s normal, but lingering like it’s new. Jiyong isn’t hiding behind a door now, isn’t holding his breath because he doesn’t want Youngbae to catch him.

Part of him wishes they’d had some drunken tryst the night before because then this and the following few kisses wouldn’t be new and a little awkward. It would have had a different feeling.

But a bigger part of him is rather glad they hadn’t done more. It was easier like this, cleaner knowing that Youngbae liked him back, wanted him to look at him, wanted more from him.

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to finish an older fic... hope you enjoyed ^^


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